Update

First of all, if you are reading this now, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read it and to pray for us. Most of you have followed our journey from the beginning. And now that we have to go "private" you chose to keep following us. And we are grateful. As I entered each email address in our "approved list of readers" it brought me joy to know that we have this amazing group of people that care enough about this crazy road we have been on to keep up with us. It humbles me and reminds me that we are not alone.

So, speaking of crazy roads....


The last time I blogged was the beginning of July. We had still not heard about court approval at that point. But were hoping to have heard by mid August or so.

Friday morning I heard that there was still no new news on the court approval, but we did receive new pictures of Josiah. And measurements! (which were all in the metric system...so of course being a dumb American, I had to google how to convert these foreign numbers). He weighs 22 pounds and is 30 inches long. And he is adorable. They shaved his head, which makes me sad because those tight little curls are adorable, but I'm sure the less hair the better in an orphanage filled with lots of tight little curls.

He was dressed in girls clothes again. Shabby worn out ones. Which I'm sure he could care less about. But, how badly I want to put him in an Aggie t-shirt and vans, just like his brothers.

But here is the hardest part for me. The bittersweet part, I guess you could say. In every picture he was completely attached to his care-giver. I have never seen her face, but I can tell that it is the same woman that has had him since he was 7 months old. He held tight to her hand in one picture. Grabbed her leg in another. And she looked as equally as loving to him. Why is this hard for me, you ask? Aren't you happy he is being loved on, you say? Yes. I am so grateful that he has a hand to hold and a chest to snuggle up to. And yes, part of me is just jealous that it's not mine. It is a good sign that he can attach, because Reactive Attachment Disorder is a reality for a huge percentage of adopted kids. But, the reality is each day he spends there, the harder it will be on him to leave...even if the ultimate outcome is a family and a home.

And here's the worst part of all: his time there is now indefinite.

Friday morning we got pictures. And Friday night we got a different kind of email.

The Congo's DGM (which is the government agency that issues exit letters for the child to leave the country) has shut down.

There was some rumors of internationally (not specifically American) adopted children being abused once in their new country. And there were also rumors of disrupted adoptions once in country (which basically means a family got home with their newly adopted child and for one reason or another the family didn't feel like it was working out, and so offered that child up for adoption again.) Clearly, both of these things, if true, warrant some worries from the DRC. They are bothersome to say the least.

But, ugh, the reality of what this means for families like us,  children like Josiah (who are yes, being loved on to the best of their ability, but nothing can replace the love and nurture of a family setting), or children with disabilities or illness wasting away in an area that cannot give adequate medical care is just overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

We have been given very little additional information. Except that this could take up to 12 months. TWELVE MONTHS. {And we are not naive to the fact that this could mean the country closing down indefinitely. It's happened in other places, DRC is not immune to it.}

Mitch and I were not together when we got this news. You would have thought that by the time we met up later that night we would have processed it and could talk about it. But, we just couldn't. My brain just couldn't compute it all. I am, by nature, an introvert. But when it's just me and Mitch, I am definitely the talker. I like to work out every. single. detail. Out loud (poor Mitch). I work it over and then analyze it and then re-analyze it and then summarize it and draw conclusions. He sits and listens to it all. Bless him. But, this time, I didn't. I just sat there and cried.

The one thing I did say was "I'm done. I just don't think I can do it anymore."

Now, don't get me wrong, I already love Josiah. We pray for him daily. I'm saving hand-me-downs from his brothers for him. His picture hangs in our house. We talk about him all the time. But, at that moment, selfishly, I just couldn't think about having to endure this battle anymore.

We had two miscarriages before we had Sam. We weren't really trying to get pregnant, but weren't really being proactive to NOT be. The first one happened in May of 2007. The second in October of 2007. I was done. No more excitement and then loss. No more disappointment and sadness. We made the decision and went to the doctor to make that final. But, guess who came along less than a year (9 months to be exact) later? Samuel Joseph.

So, what do I know about being done? I know what sadness and grief feel like. And I definitely know that I do not like those feelings. But, my God, the God of second chances, the God who likes to take people who think they are "done" (Abraham and Sarah, Joseph, and Moses to name a few...) and create new beginnings with them, knows more than I do (I suppose).

I still don't think I have a grasp on what all this means. A clarification email came this morning that assures us that this is only the "exit letter department".  Court and Embassy visa appointments will still happen. So basically, he will be ours, but we will not be able to bring him home until the DGM opens back up.

I don't feel as hopeless as I did on Friday night and Saturday (I may have survived on candy corn alone for those 24 hours. hashtagemotionaleater). But, I will not lie and say that I have no worries or fears about what this means for us and Josiah. Plain and simple: it sucks. (sorry mom..she really hates that word).

But I have hope that God will take my "I'm done" and do something with it. We aren't sure what that will mean for us and for Josiah. We are obviously hoping it means he will come home to us sooner than all would guess. But, in the mean time, he will continue to be a part of our lives and his seat is still waiting for him.

The last 6 months...

It's been a long time since my last post. Almost 6 months. So much has happened between January 22 and today. And yet little has changed.

We spent the 6 weeks following our referral watching my precious dad slip away from us. He passed away on March 9 to forever be with his King. How sad I was to know that he would never get to hold or see or smell or kiss his 6th grandchild. The whole thing was so surreal that I still have moments I can't believe he is really gone forever. I do know that he understood Josiah was coming. He saw his picture and said "sweet baby boy", so we take comfort in that. He would have been an amazing Papa to him, I'm sure of it.

The last 6 months have been a bit of a wilderness for me. I'm pretty positive figuring out how to handle loss always is. Balancing being content to just be sad for a little while and wanting to be happy for those around you is hard. Not eating every emotion is hard. Being in the moment and enjoying them for what they are seems to always be tainted with the fact that someone is missing.

But we live through those wilderness times. Because the land may be barren, but it is never fruitless. God's goodness is always there even when it is sometimes clouded by our own grief or anger. And God gave many good things to us in the last few months that we are grateful for (a successful One Less race, an Ironman who is still alive and kicking, family vacations, and many other daily beautiful moments). But, I also think God knows when to wait to give us BIG things. I believe that Josiah is one of those.

We are still waiting on a court date. Many many complicated things have happened with the system there and with the US embassy issuing visas. This has held our case up again and again. We had been told and were hoping to travel in May or June. That obviously hasn't happened. Now don't get me wrong...we REALLY want him home with us. But, I have to believe that God's timing is perfect and that maybe He knew my heart needed some time to grieve and recover. Walking out on the other side of the last 6 months of our lives, I recognize that I was maybe a little too self-consumed to be able to have handled traveling and bringing home a new child well. And obviously God knew that.

But now, I spend most of my time trying to convince God that I am READY.  Our family is READY. We have an empty chair at our table every night and it needs to be filled.

We get updates on Josiah periodically. The logistics and details I cannot share online, but feel free to ask me anytime (and thank you to all of you who HAVE asked me. It means so much to know that he is on more people's mind besides just ours).

I got about 10 new pictures yesterday and he is growing so. much. 

He is walking and has teeth and lots of tiny tight little curls (and appears to have some pretty big feet). I'm so grateful that he looks healthy. But it also makes me sad. We missed celebrating his first birthday with him (although we don't even officially know the date that the courts chose for his birth certificate, we know it was in the end of June or beginning of July sometime). We didn't get to see him take his first steps or hear his first words. It feels like we are missing out on so much!

As of right now, we are still unsure of a timeline. More than likely it will be late fall- December before we get to travel. Almost a full year from time of referral. That wasn't the plan, but has any of this gone according to plan? Does it ever?

Thank you for continuing on this journey with us. Although we grow weary, we do not lose sight of the vision God spoke to us three years ago. We are grateful for those who walk beside us and help remind us of God's faithfulness.

**WE WILL HAVE TO MAKE THIS BLOG PRIVATE SOON BECAUSE OF PRIVACY ISSUES. IF YOU WANT TO STAY UPDATED, PLEASE COMMENT ON FB OR THIS POST WITH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS.**

Hoping to update soon with some PROGRESS,

Katie

And I will give you a new name...

I love the stories in the bible where God changes someone's name. Abram to Abraham. Jacob to Israel. Simon to Peter. Saul to Paul. All of these name changes were more than just something different to call them. It was life-changing, eternity-altering moments. It was new life for those men. A new purpose.

The bible also tells us when we believe in Christ, He gives us a new name too. We just don't know it yet. It is waiting for us in Heaven (Rev 2:17). But once again, it represents new life. New purpose. New identity for us as believers.

So what better way to symbolize this precious baby becoming a member of our family than by changing his name?

 When we first began the adoption process many people asked us what name we had chosen. But we just never felt right picking a name before we saw a face. We also wanted to be sensitive to the fact that our child might have a name that was chosen by his birth parents and we wanted to honor that. So we waited. And then came baby J. But here's the deal. The "J" name is just a name the orphanage has given him to identify him. It's actually a precious name (and a family name), but we assume that it probably wasn't chosen with much thought or love. He deserves more than that. He deserves the same laboring over names that we all give our biological kids. And we wanted to pray for him by name. We want you to pray for him by name.

So enough rambling....the newest Fickey will be named:

We love the name Josiah. It is a strong name. A manly name he can carry for the rest of his life. But don't you dare call him Jo. Or Josie. We will all ignore you if you do (I will teach him that). When he is ready for a nickname, we will call him Si.

We believe he will make much of the name Josiah!

Michael is my precious father's name. He is very ill right now and struggles to comprehend much of the world around him, but he does understand the plight of this sweet boy. He doesn't speak much anymore, but when shown the picture of Josiah he said "sweet baby boy".

So Michael is in honor of the sweetest man I know, my father. He will carry that name on well, I'm sure of it.


So there you have it!! If you hate it, don't tell us! We don't care!! :)

So pray for Josiah Michael by name now when you think about it. Pray for him to stay healthy. We have heard of many families losing their babies to malaria or other preventable diseases before they have a chance to get to them. I can't even imagine. Please join us in praying protection over his sweet little body until we get there!!

Kind of a big deal....

Guess what?

Something kind of BIG happened today.

At 8:15 am we had a conference call with our agency and a liaison in the Congo and we received our REFERRAL!! 

{In non-weirdo adoption terms-

this means that our paperwork in the Congo was reviewed and we were matched with a child! }

Annndddd....

A baby boy to be exact.

7 months old and precious. 

Meet baby J....the 6th Fickey!

{Excuse the dumb heart. For privacy reasons, until we pass court and he is "officially" ours we can't show his face. 

But trust me. He is adorable. }

Aacck!! Let the rejoicing commence!!!

We don't know much about his story, but what we do know is heartbreaking. He was abandoned and found by some street kids. The social worker in the Congo searched for a family with no success. I can't even imagine how that must have felt for that mama or daddy. To leave behind this precious baby.  I will never judge that decision and would ask you not to either. We live in a different world and we can in no way think we would think or do differently when faced by terrible circumstances. 

We know that God intended for that sweet baby to be with his birth parents. But the path he is on is different now, and Mitch and I are overjoyed {overwhelmed} and eager to love this boy like he has never been loved before.

We can't wait to squeeze his belly and kiss his toes. 

The timeline from here is not totally clear.

His paperwork and our paperwork will be filed and a court date will be scheduled. If the judge approves, we will then have a 30 day mandatory waiting period to see if any family members come forward to claim him. Then we will apply for his visa, do some other immigration paperwork and then we can schedule our travel. So, our best guess is June (??). However,  we are going to pray it goes crazy, light-speed quick, and is the fastest adoption in DRC history.

 But, we will have to be content to wait a little if that doesn't happen. But it should. But it probably won't.  Erg. 

We have been waiting for this day for a long time. And God exceeded our expectations. 

He is good. Like real good. 

Thank you for those of you that have held on the last two (almost three) years, asked us questions, cried with us, prayed for us. We love that you now get to celebrate with us and someday soon kiss some toes too. (or is that just a mama thing?)

Round two

Remember this post? Almost exactly a year ago this Saturday, we had our home study. I was panicked. Convinced this social worker would find me lacking in all sorts of areas of my life. I just knew she was going to get down on her hands and knees and run her white-gloved finger across my baseboards, that Sam was going to straight up say to her "my mama and daddy spank me all the time.", and that someone was going to get a bloody nose while she was there.

Well, I guess I was being just a little dramatic (except the bloody nose part...that did happen). We passed our home study no problem. Sam kept all our family's inner most secrets and apparently my house was plenty clean. I thought that was going to be the hardest part. The rest would just be paper chasing and shuffling and then...viola! Our child would be here within the year. I even wrote on our Christmas card that we would be "bringing our child home in 2012".

How presumptuous of me. And how arrogant! Yes, the way most of the world works is that you follow steps A, B, and C and you get result D.  But adoption doesn't seem to work that way. As much as many of us would like to believe it. And as much as I believed it for the last two years. It's just not that easy. And it's not ever what you expect or plan.

God has turned this little town upside down for adoption. I've had the chance to meet lots of new friends with adopted children and I've had the blessing of getting to see dear friends make the decision themselves to adopt. What once seemed like a lone journey for Mitch and I has now become a little more normal. And we rejoice in that! We are excited about it! But,  lately we have heard some rumblings in our community that adoption is becoming a "fad" or "the new cool thing" or even "an accessory". People questioning other's motives and desires.  And while my first reaction to that is anger and frustration, God then gives me the grace to see adoption from an outsider's perspective. The way I, myself, looked at it not that long ago....

{You decide you want a cute baby that looks different from your family because that possibly might bring you attention and praise. You then do a little bit of paperwork, raise some money (which consequently will also bring you attention), travel to an exotic and far away land and bring home a child that subsequently fits in perfectly with your family, bonds with you immediately and has no medical issues or developmental issues at all. Life will go on as usual, just with one more adorable kid to add to your clan. And people will praise you forever for this noble and righteous deed. The end.}

I can see how to an outsider, having that perspective,  this whole thing looks like a sham. Or how you could even question someone's motives, insisting that you know their hearts to be influenced by the world's adoration for this "noble deed". Because, if you think it's just that easy to make the decision and bring home a new child, then yes, the whole thing shouts "fraud".

But, that's the thing. It's nothing like that. In reality, it's this long journey with bouts of spiritual warfare going on above you constantly. Satan convincing you that you are not good enough to do it. Or that you are so amazing to be doing it and you are bringing salvation to a child...they should probably make you a Saint. Or, even worse,  that everyone is talking about you behind your back whispering "who does she think she is? She's such a wannabe....or a hypocrite!" Ouch.

Meanwhile, as you are getting your 48th thing notarized, sealed, and delivered, you are begging God to explain to you why it is so hard and complicated. And then sometimes, there is hope! There is a child! Hallelujah!!! And then.......that child is gone just as fast as it came and you are back to square 1. You argue with your husband, you wait in long lines, you lose friendships, you wake up early every morning to check your email in hopes that there is some news from your agent, you think you are all paid up and then suddenly have to come up with more because there is a new fee, you have to explain to your three children once again why their new brother/sister didn't get to be with us for Christmas, and you ache late at night with the unknowns of where they are, who they are, and when you will get to hold them.

And that? That is only the part BEFORE you travel. So, obviously the rest of it...the meat of it...couldn't possibly be a walk in the park either.

So to all the naysayers, the doubters, the skeptics....I strongly believe that God doesn't allow adoption under the pretense of coolness and attention. If you go into it with those reasons, I assure you that God's process will be painful and will completely change your heart. And only for the better. As I watch myself, my husband, and my precious old friends go through this, and watch my amazing new friends who have already gone through it, I know that there is not one easy thing about it.

What I do know is that adoption is biblical and we are attempting to be obedient, but we are not even in the same realm as a "saint".  I know attention and praise can be attractive, but is fleeting and empty. I know that God's provision is never ending and his fire is always refining. I know that adoption is becoming common in Boerne and I love that. Our story is not anything particularly special, but it is ours and we will always tell it because we believe that God is in the middle of it and has done great things through it.  And we rejoice every single time we find out about someone else making the decision to adopt. Because there are a LOT of orphans out there. A lot. So adoption becoming old hat in Boerne means that more of those children are getting homes and families. And that is a good thing.

So, for those that have been asking...here are our updates:

We have our one year Home study update TOMORROW.  This is just to keep our Texas standards up to date. I have not re-organized one area of my house yet. I will clean tomorrow and we will be ourselves, knowing that it's in God's hands anyway.

We are still waiting for a referral. We had been told it could possibly come before Christmas, but that being only a few days away, I think we will have to choose to be content knowing that we will have to wait a little longer.

Thank you to all the people that ask me how it's going all the time. I love that we have not left your hearts and minds. I know this has been a long road to travel with us and we are grateful that most of you are still on it with us!! I can't wait for the day I have some really BIG news! Until then, keep praying!

hello. my name is debbie downer.

My heart is so heavy tonight.

I took my almost 10 year old and 5 of his friends out for his birthday tonight. They laughed and hollered and wrestled in my back seat and bowled and played video games and ate pizza and blew out candles and ate cake.

There is a football game going on less than a mile from my house. A homecoming game with dates and mums and dances and music (music I can hear from my bed... might I add). There was cheering and touchdowns and homecoming court and many a proud parent.

Joyful moments. Memory making moments for parents and children both.

But some events of today have led me to end this night with a heavy heart for the orphan and some people I dearly love who got some sad news.

As I sit here looking at waiting children lists (these are children that have been waiting for a long time for a family or have special needs or multiple siblings) and advocate group pages (like Reece's Rainbow which advocate for orphans with Down's syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or HIV), and other adoptive family's blogs.....I have never felt more torn.

While I lay in my bed listening to the music from a 1/2 mile away and think about all the fun those sweet high schoolers are having right now and how much fun my Brody and all his friends had tonight, I can't help but feel the injustice of it all.

Why can't EVERY child feel joy and love and a parent's pride? Why does ANY child need to stay in a crib 24 hours a day at the age of 6? Or live his teenage and adult years out in a mental institution? Or die because of lack of proper medical care? Or get ordered around by scary adults with not even a hint of love in their voices?

I mean, I think it's easy for us (me included) to forget that these are real live children. Sitting in an orphanage somewhere. They are not a number. Not a statistic. Not just a page in a notebook. They have hearts. And smiles. And personalities. And a God who loves them. Just like the kids in my car tonight. Just like the kids dancing with their dates up the street.

What they do not have is a family.

And tonight....well, God, it just seems unfair.

Sometimes this thing, this "crisis" as we so easily call it....it just seems impossible to fix. The problems. The ridiculous red tape, the unethical attitude, the lack of empathy, the giant giant flaws in it all....which ultimately lead to heart break again and again. For child. For parent. For Jesus.

Sometimes, it's just too much. And it seems impossible and unfixable. And it makes me want to scream because I feel helpless and moved to action all at the same time. I feel disappointed in myself that I don't fight harder or that I didn't start earlier and yet sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and cry uncle. I feel frustrated at the world that we just let this go on as if we are okay with it and yet I have played a role in that as well. And today, I feel sad that well-meaning people can cause heartbreak too.

Problems and feelings that won't be solved tonight.

Hard as I'm trying, this post can't be wrapped up and concluded with a neat little bow.  It's not that easy or tidy. This is messy heart wrenching stuff. And I will go to bed tonight knowing that my dreams will be haunted by the faces of the babes I stared at all night. God, don't let me forget them. Ever. And help me remember that they are worth fighting for. Every single one of them. Please don't let Satan convince me and the rest of the world to give up and that it is hopeless and impossible....even on nights like tonight when it feels like it just might be.

Gnu Creation

Many of you have asked (and thank you for doing so) about our status. What is happening? So much hullabaloo and then....nothing. Yep. That is how we feel too.

It's a hurry up and wait kind of thing. It is maddening and painful and gut-wrenching. It is two steps forward and three steps back all the time. I can't lie to you and tell you I am being patient and understanding, ever allowing God to do His thing while I sit and pray fervently the whole day through knowing that His timing is best.

Nope. That is just not the reality.

To be honest, I mostly lie awake at night and in that moment in between awake and sleep, when my heart almost physically hurts, I strongly consider buying a plane ticket and just going to the Congo myself (because when you're brain is half asleep this seems like a reasonable idea). Or I want to email our agent every single day asking her what the flippin hold up is and what I can do to speed things along. Or I may or may not want to throw something very heavy at my dear sweet husband if he says "just be patient" one more time.

Honestly? I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being patient. Yes, I KNOW in my head AND my heart that God is working. He is working in me and Mitch and in our child. I know that His timing is perfect. I don't doubt His sovereignty in this situation one tiny bit.

But, sometimes (as in this morning, in my living room) I scream "I AM TIRED OF WAITING!!!" (and then perhaps start to slam things around and act unkind to the people closest to me). Because well, I'm human. I want that child in our family so badly. I want him/her here making messes and getting boo boos and waking me up at night. I want to look in my rearview mirror and see four little faces. I want my dad to get to be a part of this child's life. I want the waiting and the paperwork and the emailing and the forms and the blah blah blah to END. Is that really SOOO much to ask?! Ugh.

Anyway, just one of those days. (bear with me...I'm sure I will have many more)

Basic update: we are waiting (or did you get that part already?) for a referral. waiting. waiting.


BUT.....I have some other REALLY great news. I mean REALLY great.

My precious longtime forever friend Kyle has made the big decision to adopt!! Yippee!! 

Kyle and her husband Todd have had adoption and foster care on their hearts for a very long time, long before me. They have been foster parents for several different kids and were just beginning to take some steps towards adopting domestically. Just recently though, God spoke to them about one specific precious girl from the Ukraine that they saw and they have been obedient and are seeking her out and working on the paperwork to adopt her!!

 I wish so much I could tell this whole story to you, but alas...it is not my story to tell. But I can say that I am overjoyed that in some little way, our stories intertwine. Even though losing our first referral was so sad for us, God used that and turned it into something beautiful for them (long story...). I love that God does that. He turns our sorrow into joy (Psalm 30:11) and reminds us that He is FOR adoption.


Maybe at some point my super private (annoyingly so) friend Kyle will tell the whole story...but until then, this is the deal:

The proces will move quickly for them and they still need quite a bit of money. The child they are adopting is older and is in limbo between an orphanage (yuck) and an institution (even worse). Time is of the essence. They are hoping to travel by the first of the year. Travel is expensive.

So....they need your help and this is how you can do it.....

Kyle is an uber-talented seamstress who makes deliciously cute upcycled dresses.

Like THESE!!!!

{WHOOP!! ADORABLE!!!}

 {Less adorable}

 {I mean really??? Party Animal? Yes please.}

Aren't they great? Doesn't your daughter need one? Or niece? Or granddaughter? Or co-worker's neighbor's cousin need one? Yes. I do believe they do. 

Kyle is selling these one of a kind handmade dresses to help raise money, so BUY ONE!! Or TEN!!

Her prices are crazy reasonable, so add a little (or ALOT) to the total! Help bring that precious girl HOME! She needs a family, and the Montalbos want to be that family. Your little girl will look precious in her new dress AND you will help the Montalbos bring their daughter home!

Click the link (Gnu Creation...how cute is that?) to get the goods and help them fund their adoption! 

GNU CREATION 

God is on the move for adoption people! Be a part of it!