Round two

Remember this post? Almost exactly a year ago this Saturday, we had our home study. I was panicked. Convinced this social worker would find me lacking in all sorts of areas of my life. I just knew she was going to get down on her hands and knees and run her white-gloved finger across my baseboards, that Sam was going to straight up say to her "my mama and daddy spank me all the time.", and that someone was going to get a bloody nose while she was there.

Well, I guess I was being just a little dramatic (except the bloody nose part...that did happen). We passed our home study no problem. Sam kept all our family's inner most secrets and apparently my house was plenty clean. I thought that was going to be the hardest part. The rest would just be paper chasing and shuffling and then...viola! Our child would be here within the year. I even wrote on our Christmas card that we would be "bringing our child home in 2012".

How presumptuous of me. And how arrogant! Yes, the way most of the world works is that you follow steps A, B, and C and you get result D.  But adoption doesn't seem to work that way. As much as many of us would like to believe it. And as much as I believed it for the last two years. It's just not that easy. And it's not ever what you expect or plan.

God has turned this little town upside down for adoption. I've had the chance to meet lots of new friends with adopted children and I've had the blessing of getting to see dear friends make the decision themselves to adopt. What once seemed like a lone journey for Mitch and I has now become a little more normal. And we rejoice in that! We are excited about it! But,  lately we have heard some rumblings in our community that adoption is becoming a "fad" or "the new cool thing" or even "an accessory". People questioning other's motives and desires.  And while my first reaction to that is anger and frustration, God then gives me the grace to see adoption from an outsider's perspective. The way I, myself, looked at it not that long ago....

{You decide you want a cute baby that looks different from your family because that possibly might bring you attention and praise. You then do a little bit of paperwork, raise some money (which consequently will also bring you attention), travel to an exotic and far away land and bring home a child that subsequently fits in perfectly with your family, bonds with you immediately and has no medical issues or developmental issues at all. Life will go on as usual, just with one more adorable kid to add to your clan. And people will praise you forever for this noble and righteous deed. The end.}

I can see how to an outsider, having that perspective,  this whole thing looks like a sham. Or how you could even question someone's motives, insisting that you know their hearts to be influenced by the world's adoration for this "noble deed". Because, if you think it's just that easy to make the decision and bring home a new child, then yes, the whole thing shouts "fraud".

But, that's the thing. It's nothing like that. In reality, it's this long journey with bouts of spiritual warfare going on above you constantly. Satan convincing you that you are not good enough to do it. Or that you are so amazing to be doing it and you are bringing salvation to a child...they should probably make you a Saint. Or, even worse,  that everyone is talking about you behind your back whispering "who does she think she is? She's such a wannabe....or a hypocrite!" Ouch.

Meanwhile, as you are getting your 48th thing notarized, sealed, and delivered, you are begging God to explain to you why it is so hard and complicated. And then sometimes, there is hope! There is a child! Hallelujah!!! And then.......that child is gone just as fast as it came and you are back to square 1. You argue with your husband, you wait in long lines, you lose friendships, you wake up early every morning to check your email in hopes that there is some news from your agent, you think you are all paid up and then suddenly have to come up with more because there is a new fee, you have to explain to your three children once again why their new brother/sister didn't get to be with us for Christmas, and you ache late at night with the unknowns of where they are, who they are, and when you will get to hold them.

And that? That is only the part BEFORE you travel. So, obviously the rest of it...the meat of it...couldn't possibly be a walk in the park either.

So to all the naysayers, the doubters, the skeptics....I strongly believe that God doesn't allow adoption under the pretense of coolness and attention. If you go into it with those reasons, I assure you that God's process will be painful and will completely change your heart. And only for the better. As I watch myself, my husband, and my precious old friends go through this, and watch my amazing new friends who have already gone through it, I know that there is not one easy thing about it.

What I do know is that adoption is biblical and we are attempting to be obedient, but we are not even in the same realm as a "saint".  I know attention and praise can be attractive, but is fleeting and empty. I know that God's provision is never ending and his fire is always refining. I know that adoption is becoming common in Boerne and I love that. Our story is not anything particularly special, but it is ours and we will always tell it because we believe that God is in the middle of it and has done great things through it.  And we rejoice every single time we find out about someone else making the decision to adopt. Because there are a LOT of orphans out there. A lot. So adoption becoming old hat in Boerne means that more of those children are getting homes and families. And that is a good thing.

So, for those that have been asking...here are our updates:

We have our one year Home study update TOMORROW.  This is just to keep our Texas standards up to date. I have not re-organized one area of my house yet. I will clean tomorrow and we will be ourselves, knowing that it's in God's hands anyway.

We are still waiting for a referral. We had been told it could possibly come before Christmas, but that being only a few days away, I think we will have to choose to be content knowing that we will have to wait a little longer.

Thank you to all the people that ask me how it's going all the time. I love that we have not left your hearts and minds. I know this has been a long road to travel with us and we are grateful that most of you are still on it with us!! I can't wait for the day I have some really BIG news! Until then, keep praying!