The last 6 months...

It's been a long time since my last post. Almost 6 months. So much has happened between January 22 and today. And yet little has changed.

We spent the 6 weeks following our referral watching my precious dad slip away from us. He passed away on March 9 to forever be with his King. How sad I was to know that he would never get to hold or see or smell or kiss his 6th grandchild. The whole thing was so surreal that I still have moments I can't believe he is really gone forever. I do know that he understood Josiah was coming. He saw his picture and said "sweet baby boy", so we take comfort in that. He would have been an amazing Papa to him, I'm sure of it.

The last 6 months have been a bit of a wilderness for me. I'm pretty positive figuring out how to handle loss always is. Balancing being content to just be sad for a little while and wanting to be happy for those around you is hard. Not eating every emotion is hard. Being in the moment and enjoying them for what they are seems to always be tainted with the fact that someone is missing.

But we live through those wilderness times. Because the land may be barren, but it is never fruitless. God's goodness is always there even when it is sometimes clouded by our own grief or anger. And God gave many good things to us in the last few months that we are grateful for (a successful One Less race, an Ironman who is still alive and kicking, family vacations, and many other daily beautiful moments). But, I also think God knows when to wait to give us BIG things. I believe that Josiah is one of those.

We are still waiting on a court date. Many many complicated things have happened with the system there and with the US embassy issuing visas. This has held our case up again and again. We had been told and were hoping to travel in May or June. That obviously hasn't happened. Now don't get me wrong...we REALLY want him home with us. But, I have to believe that God's timing is perfect and that maybe He knew my heart needed some time to grieve and recover. Walking out on the other side of the last 6 months of our lives, I recognize that I was maybe a little too self-consumed to be able to have handled traveling and bringing home a new child well. And obviously God knew that.

But now, I spend most of my time trying to convince God that I am READY.  Our family is READY. We have an empty chair at our table every night and it needs to be filled.

We get updates on Josiah periodically. The logistics and details I cannot share online, but feel free to ask me anytime (and thank you to all of you who HAVE asked me. It means so much to know that he is on more people's mind besides just ours).

I got about 10 new pictures yesterday and he is growing so. much. 

He is walking and has teeth and lots of tiny tight little curls (and appears to have some pretty big feet). I'm so grateful that he looks healthy. But it also makes me sad. We missed celebrating his first birthday with him (although we don't even officially know the date that the courts chose for his birth certificate, we know it was in the end of June or beginning of July sometime). We didn't get to see him take his first steps or hear his first words. It feels like we are missing out on so much!

As of right now, we are still unsure of a timeline. More than likely it will be late fall- December before we get to travel. Almost a full year from time of referral. That wasn't the plan, but has any of this gone according to plan? Does it ever?

Thank you for continuing on this journey with us. Although we grow weary, we do not lose sight of the vision God spoke to us three years ago. We are grateful for those who walk beside us and help remind us of God's faithfulness.

**WE WILL HAVE TO MAKE THIS BLOG PRIVATE SOON BECAUSE OF PRIVACY ISSUES. IF YOU WANT TO STAY UPDATED, PLEASE COMMENT ON FB OR THIS POST WITH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS.**

Hoping to update soon with some PROGRESS,

Katie