623 days and counting....

623 days ago we saw Jose's picture for the first time, accepted his referral, and considered him our son.
394 days ago we became the legal parents of Jose.
199 days ago we got to meet our 4th child face to face.

Every day has been a battle. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to take this long, be this hard, or cost this much. Every expectation we had we have had to toss aside, swallow our pride and accept the reality of what IS.

The reality is we have zero control. Less than zero. A lesson I apparently needed to learn, but haven't learned without a fight. I went down kicking and screaming.

365 days ago they suspended all issuing of Exit letters. 12 months, they said. We will lift the suspension sometime within 12 months. Well, it has been 12 months.

We expected some sort of news this month, this week. Some movement. But, instead of positive news, we have heard some heartbreaking things that will more than likely have a very negative impact on the situation for all adoptive families. (I can't post many details about what is happening, but feel free to ask me privately. I know...so annoying.)

So, once again we wait for decisions to be made by a government we don't fully trust half a world away.

Each day that passes that number grows higher than I ever expected it to be. Each day Satan battles for my mind, and my trust in the Lord's sovereignty ebbs and flows. Have we made the right choices? Have we done all we could do? How do we go on with our life when part of us is halfway around the world? What if he never gets to come home...

So while we live out each day in this unknown place, I am so grateful for the little victories. The perfectly timed bible studies, the affirmation from friends, the surprising and undeserved gifts to help with the financial burden. All reminders that God is still there, He still cares, and He knew this was going to happen way before it did.

We are still waiting for the BIG victory. I do believe Josiah will come home. I let doubt creep in until I am reminded that it is not from the Lord. The victory will come. (repeat and then repeat again)

Thank you for those of you that ask, pray, and love us through this looooooong season. If you are tired of hearing about the waiting, and think "man! when is that kid gonna come home so I can stop hearing about it?!" Preach (my hand is up in the air).

Until then, keep praying. #josiahcomehome