We had a conference call last week with our US department of state giving us a little hopeful news concerning the DRC lifting the suspension of exit letters. With not really any certainty, they tried to encourage us that it might happen in the next few months. But, we've been told that before.
However, I know that a sour attitude does not change a thing, so I will choose to be hopeful and believe in the system (ahem, eye roll). But, if I'm being honest, having another Christmas with 6 stockings and only 5 bodies in our house is just flat out depressing.
So, add that to some other REALLY BIG changes in our life, and this has been an interesting (and a little difficult) holiday season.
We are moving. Gah, the hardest three words to type.
Mitch was offered a job in Houston the week before Thanksgiving. He brought it to me, hoping that I would be so excited and say "YES!! LET'S GO!". Well, that is DEFINITELY not the response he got.
I have lived in Boerne more years of my life than not. My mom is here. My best friends in the world are here. My partner in crime is here. My village is here. My house is small, but perfect. My kids love their school, their friends, their church, their soccer team. My job is here. The ministries I have poured my heart out for are here. The church my kids have grown up in is here. We have deep, deep roots in this town (stretching back 22 years) and I was just NOT willing to let all of that go. Not without a fight.
So, enter selfish spoiled brat Katie. Fighting to the death to hold on to the dream of what she thought her life was supposed to look like. My kids were supposed to graduate from my alma mater (go hounds go!). Josiah was supposed to meet and know all of the people that had prayed for him, given money towards him coming home, and even RUN RACES for him. My mom was supposed to be an ever-present figure in my kid's lives (and mine!). I was going to grow old and grey with my friends and go to the weddings of their children...who were supposed to marry some of my children, of course. And I was supposed to continue to watch the ministries I love grow and change.
So, how does all THAT work if we live in HOUSTON??
Well, it doesn't.
But what DOES work is letting go of the expectations of what I thought our life would look like. Following my husband where he feels like God is leading us. Walking through the HARD things with my kids, pointing them to their ever-loving, faithful, GOOD God.
Because, what it really came down to was believing that Jesus was enough. Take away the comforts, the friends, the job, the ministry roles, the church... and accept that being somewhere new wasn't the end of me, but rather the chance to fully rely on the God I claim to rely on.
So, I finally said "okay". I did not say "Yippee!! LET'S DO IT" because I'm still not there yet. But, Mitch is excited and our kids are working on getting excited and that helps me crawl out of my pity party cave that I have dug. Although it is *pretty* cozy in here, so I will likely crawl back in occasionally.
Mitch will start soon, but the kids and I will stay here and finish out the school year (this gave them quite a bit of comfort). There will be plenty of time for all the sad goodbyes I have imagined in my head.
Meanwhile I will be working on letting go, trusting God, and supporting a pretty great man who I vowed to love, follow, and honor almost 15 years ago.
**Will you join me in praying that the Lord would give us the sweet gift of bringing Josiah home before we move? (This is the one thing I'm having a really hard time letting go of...) It IS possible and it would do this heart some serious good. **
Love each of you that have listened to me pour out my selfish, sad soul, and cry in the last few weeks (I still can't talk about it without crying). I am glad I have at least 6 more months with each of you. What a blessing you have been to me.
(Also, pray for my hair because...THE HUMIDITY.)
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