net worth

So, first of all....I added a "donate button" over there on the right side of the screen. Ugh. That was difficult. Yes, I totally know that this will only happen with the help of others, and several people have already asked if I was going to do that, but it just makes me feel a tad uncomfortable. We have never been in a situation where we really needed to ask for help. It is truly humbling.

Second. We worked on our application some last night. Everything was going great until....we got to the financial part of it that asked us our "net worth" (assets-liabilities). I had still been on this excited-can't-wait-to-get-going high the last week and all of a sudden I came crashing down. Let me tell you, as blessed as we are compared to the other 98% of the world's population, our net worth?? Not so impressive. Who knew?

So, then I couldn't sleep last night. All the fear that had been held off by my excitement and emotion surfaced. Never in my life have I laid in bed at night and thought about my "net  worth". Who does that?


 I worried that our "net worth" wouldn't be enough for the agency and they would deny us.
 And then, because I totally let the devil in with that one little doubt, a gajillion other came flooding in.......
what if it takes us 5 years to raise enough money?
 I can't wait that long!
What if I'm choosing the wrong agency and we get swindled or enter into some crazy world of corruption in Ethiopia? (it happens, people..)
What if they refuse to even begin the home study with us until our house addition is completely finished?
I have NO idea when that will be!


This morning, the worry continued as soon as I stepped outside and saw our mess of a property. I just kept thinking "our addition is our biggest hindrance right now. It's costly and will more than likely make us fail a home study which means the process for adoption will be that much longer"
Where was the steady faith and trust I had not even 24 hours ago? Lost with one question...."what is your net worth?". So stupid.

Then this afternoon, I had this small moment of clarity and revelation. (wow..typing all this out makes me realize how manic I really am. Poor Mitch.) Anyway....back to my itty bitty moment of clairty....we started this addition 18 months ago. We had to stop a few days into it when we learned that our foundation had to be leveled. We then learned that the money to fix our foundation was going to be a ridiculously huge amount. We stopped mid construction. We waited and saved and finally 6 months later fixed the foundation. We had to move out of our house for a month. When we moved back in we had now exhausted all the money we were planning on spending for the addition. So we waited again.....and waited.....until finally about 5 months ago, we got to start it again. It is slow going. Like sssslllloooowwww going. Anyone that lives in our neighborhood knows (and probably hates) how long it has taken us to just get this far.

So, why? Why has this (what we thought was going to be easy and quick) addition taken so long and been so ridiculously difficult?

(enter my revelation)
Maybe, because we were trying to expand our kingdom. We needed a bigger house to make our lives more comfortable. With all honest and good intentions, (I mean we do have 3 kids and a 1500 sf house and all..) while we were doing well with Mitch's business, we felt like we deserved to have a bigger/nicer home.  But, did we? Maybe those "good intentions" were not God's intentions? Maybe,  God was waiting for us to finally align with His will and plan for us and open our eyes to the world and say yes to adoption. Maybe He was waiting for us to try and expand His kingdom and not our own. Hmmm...

Well, now our eyes are opened. We have said yes to adoption, what we believe is His plan for us. A part of our family's story. But, what does that mean now?

Could it be that maybe the addition will be finished now? Easily and without crazy cost and time issues? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. But, I have to believe that if God funds things that are in His plans, and that it is His plan for us to adopt, and if our addition is going to hinder our adoption, that He will figure out a way to solve that problem for us. Somehow.

Please pray for that. Pray that we can finish in a crazy fast way. That there will be a corner of a bedroom finished and waiting for a sweet little girl around the world to come and live there. My heart aches for that and I want it to happen with as little hindrances as possible.

Thank you friends for traveling this road with us. Makes it seem a little less bumpy. :)